A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post. In this post, I shared my frustration with the country and my lack of pride in America at the time. I will not ask for a 'take-back' of that, nor will I apologize for it. It's how I felt, and I shared it with you.
HOWEVER.
Here I sit, several weeks later, in tears. This (excuse my language, but this week deserves this intensity) fucking week has been absolute hell. I feel like every day this week, I woke up and was greeted with some sort of heinous, sad, troubling news. But tonight, I do not feel sad, nor troubled, but proud.
Let me just say that I HATE this week. I hate it. But mostly, I hate the last 10 years of the world. How is it that we have children alive on this planet that have never known a day in their short, precious lives that 9/11 didn't exist? That the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars don't exist. That the Syrian conflict doesn't exist. That every school shooting, plus the Aurora, CO movie theater shooting, and we'll just throw in Columbine for good measure - and because countless people suffered and parished that day, tomorrow in fact, as well - doesn't exist. And now this.
Are you serious right now that this is real?! The 26th mile of this epic event was dedicated to Newtown. Newtown. Remember that event? I couldn't stop crying.
It's not enough that we're living in a world where kids are alive that don't know a world without this terror and horror, but 20 of those sweet angels went to Heaven that day. I'm not God, so I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to bet that He wasn't quite ready for those 20 babies to make it to Heaven that soon.
Then there's this week. This amazing, annual, exciting event that brings together thousands, millions of people from around the world. And the last mile was dedicated to those that perished in the Sandy Hook shooting, and what happens? People get blown up.
So I'm just going to say it.
Fuck you, Tsarnaev brothers.
It makes me nauseous to even refer to you by your name, and not the disgusting, low life, pathetic pieces of shit you really are, but I suppose I will.
You selfishly took something that wasn't just important to the American people, but the world, and you attempted to tarnish it. Attempted.
But shame on you for being so blind during all the years you spent here. Have you ever taken a look around?
Americans are pretty bad ass. We're also politically charged, disagreeing idiots, but we're mostly bad ass. And you think you can just come in and try to ruin something because of whatever silly, asinine reason you'll come up with?!
Please, bitches.
A few weeks ago, I was not proud of this country. I looked around me and saw a hot mess. A. HOT. MESS.
Monday, I looked at my computer screen, and saw the destruction that happened in Boston. Tuesday, I couldn't pull my eyes away from the stories. The heartbreak, the loss of limb, of life. Wednesday, I saw the explosion in Texas, and tried to absorb the destruction. Thursday, I saw flooding in the midwest. In the city where my heart lives, Chicago. In states where people couldn't get help, and suffered gravely because of it. And this morning. This morning I woke up to the agony of the chase. The sadness of Sean Collier's death. The reminder of Martin Richard, Krystle Campbell, and Lu Lingzi. And the countless people in hospital beds all around Boston, trying to figure out how to put their lives back together. How to tackle their tomorrows.
I finally walked away. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm not in Boston. Or Texas. Or Chicago. I'm here, in California. So I did the only thing I knew to do, give blood.
After I got home, the chase began again. They cornered him.
Coward.
You hide in a boat?
Coward.
You blow people up, kill people, and you hide?
Coward.
But you grossly underestimated this country. Not just the city you picked to attack, but this country.
This was one of the worst weeks we've seen in a long, long time. Not one that will go forgotten, that's for sure. But you know what?
It was also beautiful.
In the videos replayed on a loop from the bombings, and we've heard it all week, you can see people running toward, not away from, those injured. We saw Carlos, a cowboy-hat-wearing man running next to Jeff Bauman, a man with both his legs blown off, holding Jeff's artery with his fingers. We saw dozens of people rushing to help, with absolutely no concern for their own safety. We had marathon runners running extra miles to the hospitals to give blood. We've seen countless sites created for donations to victim's causes, or medical care funds.
We saw loss of selfless life in Texas, when first responders were searching for life, risking their own. We saw lay people and law enforcement alike helping those trapped by floods.
Flowers, signs from abroad sending love, tweets from afar sending prayers, closed eyes with heads held high that we will prevail. Patton Oswalt took the time to write this gem of a status. Thousands of law enforcement officials, both federal and local, came together and put aside years of one-upping to capture this terrorist and bring a town to at least an evening of rest.
I'm nothing special. I'm just your average American. Much like those people we saw on TV running toward the victims, running toward the hospitals, opening their homes to people who were hungry or cold or needed a wall outlet. All of these people's first thought's were, 'how can I help?' That's why I gave blood. Because I wanted to help.
HELP.
Because that's what this country has learned. If we're going anywhere, gaining forward momentum, we've got to help one another. We've got to follow our instincts and not let the first thing we think of be ourselves. Jeff Bauman wouldn't be alive today if Carlos Arredondo didn't risk his life to save him. I'm sure some of the survivors in West, TX wouldn't be alive if someone didn't put themselves second and go rescue them.
No one cared this week about your political stance, or where in this country you came from, or how much money you make, or what sports team you root for. This week, all over the country, newspapers, twitter feeds, websites, all read one thing. WE ARE BOSTON. WE ARE TEXAS.
We are America.
And I couldn't be more proud.
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