Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of the Iraq war.
Anniversary.
I'm not sure if it was my upbringing, and how I was taught to find the silver lining, or if it's the word itself, but 'anniversary' is connotatively positive. Celebratory almost.
So it's really hard for me to actually type the 10 year anniversary of the Iraq War. We're not celebrating the deaths of almost 4500 American soldiers. Yes, their service and their sacrifice are to be honored, and their lives and convictions should be celebrated everyday, but the anniversary of this war is different. It's different because the reasons behind this conflict and everything involved with it are so hazy, so secret. I will not sit here and make you read about my standings on this war, because that's not what this is about.
As most of you know, I served in the US Army Reserves for four years. I must have had nothing short of Michael the Archangel sitting on my shoulder, because I signed my contract on August 6, 2006, and was discharge June 28, 2010, and was never deployed. I recognize how lucky I am to have never had to deploy and face the horrors that so many of my fellow soldiers did, but I was also prepared to do so if I was called up. My time in the military was strange, and difficult, and it has left me with a few messes I am working on resolving, but that is neither here nor there. I am proud of my service, my sacrifice and I used to be proud of my country.
I joined the military because my life hit a fork in the road, and I chose the path that I thought was going to be the best choice. I wouldn't say I come from a long line of military members, but I have military family, and I thought my Grandpa would be proud if I joined. He died when I was 17, and I always looked up to him as a man full of spirit and pride, and I thought joining would be a proper way to emulate what I loved most about him.
There was that and 9/11. September 11, 2001 was a strange day for me. I was 16, and I had never been faced with that level of tragedy and pain before. I didn't know anyone that died that day, but something inside of me changed, and I couldn't let that feeling go. When I signed my contract to join, 9/11 was in the forefront of my mind. So many people died needlessly that day, and I wanted to do what I had wanted to do my whole life - be a protector. So there I went, and I became a combat medic, so I could do the most possible good in the field.
I apologize if this is recapping things you already know about me, but this all has a point. I was in two different units while I was in the military, and something I came in contact with at both places was the distinct difference in how men and women were treated. The military, the Army at least, is very much so still a boys club. If you want to fit it and survive, you better learn to hang with the best of them. So I did. To the very best of my ability. I sat by and listened to the boys talk dirty about girls in the unit, and say things that in any other arena, I would have reported as sexual harassment, and sometimes even listened to derogatory things being said about me. But I'd laugh it off, because I knew, if we ever deployed, those boys would save my ass if I ever needed it. I hoped they would, at least, and luckily I never had to test out whether that was true.
It's a strange position to be in, being one of the guys. As a woman, you grow up knowing what is and is not acceptable verbiage, conversation and etiquette between men and women. You learn that you don't have to listen to people speaking derogatorily about one sex or the other, and you're taught to stand up for yourself and others if you hear or see something that is inappropriate. Then you join the military, and they get you combat ready. You're a soldier. You've worked your tail off, you are trained to kill, more confident than most people you'll ever meet in your life, and then you ship away to your unit, only to disregard all of that beautiful confidence and strength you've gained, so you can fit in and not cause a stir.
Last night, I watched a documentary called The Invisible War. It's not really a film you'd sit down on Friday night to watch, but it's important that it is seen. I can't say I loved this film, in fact, I hated it. Cinematographically speaking it was wonderful, and from every film aspect, it was great, but it made me sick to my stomach. I hated the facts it was telling me, because every bit was true. The film is about rape and sexual assault in the military. Without giving you a play by play, the film chronicled the journey of several individuals, men and women, and what happened after they were raped and reported it. The men interviewed never reported their rapes, and I think we all know why, and the women said that once they reported, most of THEM ended up under investigation for a variety of reasons. Very few, if not zero, of their perpetrators ended up paying for what they did to these women, and the chain of command failed them. I would suggest strongly that everyone sit down and watch this film. Put your politics aside, your masculinity, your femininity, and just watch it, as a person. As a person whose freedoms are secured by the sacrifices that these men and women have made to serve the country they THOUGHT would keep them safe. And tell me it doesn't raise an outrage inside of you that makes you sick to your stomach.
Watch it, and then tell me that I should still be proud of my country. There are a million reasons why people, on both sides of the red and blue line will say that this country is going to shit, and I do not care about one single one of them. But we have a serious problem when the members of our armed forces, the first ones to stand up and sacrifice their lives to save ours, are brutally terrorized within their own community, and no one, not even the Department of Defense itself, stands up and says no, this can't be.
I thank God I never witnessed any sexual abuse or rape during my time in service, but I kept my mouth shut on enough sexual harassment, and I let my worth as a woman be degraded by the chauvinistic, pig-headed men I was serving with more times than I care to count. And just to be clear, it wasn't all the guys I served with, not even half. I served with plenty of honorable, courageous, strong men that would've stood by my side if I had chosen to go up my chain of command. But I saw what happened when there was a complaint. Next drill, we'd have a sexual harassment session, and our commander would always start off by saying that there were complaints and while he doesn't think there's any truth to them, we have to watch these videos. Inevitably, everyone would find out who lodged the complaint, and they'd be on the shit list for months. I watched this happen multiple times, and all I could think to myself was that I hope we didn't get deployed because whatever girl had complained was going to find herself in a mess of trouble in the sandbox.
I'm not proud that I didn't speak up, trust me. It makes me nauseous when I think that I chose to cover my ass instead of speak up for what was right, and that is my cross to bear. To know that I shouldn't have cared what hammer would have been brought down on me, that I should have taken a stand. I cannot take that time back, but I can do something now.
We have to change what the culture has become, in and out of the military, and it can no longer be acceptable that people are targeted and have nowhere to go, and no one on their side. Victims are victims, that's that. Someone who has been harassed, assaulted or raped should NEVER be made to feel like they asked for it, and should never leave feeling like it's their fault.
Watch the film. Talk about it. Get mad about it. Talk about it some more. Then maybe, just maybe, we can bring about change that has to happen.
"The land of the free, and the home of the brave." Let's stand up and speak for those who are too brave to speak for themselves. I should have done it then, but I will definitely do it now.
http://invisiblewarmovie.com
Check this out, and find a way to help. Even if it's taking 10 minutes to write your Congressman. I, and countless others, thank you in advance.
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